Falling slowly...

[lilbunnygirl]

in love with my little girl.

When Cash was born, I was whacked on the head with the most amazing wallop of unconditional love. It was so strong I could hardly breathe, I was in tears trying to talk about how much I loved him for the first 6 months of his life. Love for him just completely consumed me & I still feel that way.

I didn't get that same feeling with Daisy. Don't get me wrong, I loved her right away and was totally delighted and thrilled to meet her. But I didn't cry when she was born, it wasn't like this soul-shaking event. I didn't know if it was just because I'd been there, done that or what and I didn't feel like I wasn't bonded to her or anything, I just thought maybe with your second child, you're already so deeply entrenched in mommy-love that it's not a new life-changing experience.

But recently as Daisy has started to develop more little personality, I find my heart getting more and more full of that deep-seated almost painful love for her that I have had for Cash since the moment he was born. Especially as we spend time together just one-on-one when Cash is out with Sean or asleep, I'm starting to feel the kind of love that brings tears to my eyes when she smiles at me or makes baby noises back at me when I sing to her. It's just been a slow build as opposed to the all at once bodyslam that I got when Cash was born. I am enjoying the experience of falling in love with my daughter over time in a different but equally as wonderful way as I enjoyed being drowned in my love for Cash all at once.

So how was it for you, falling in love with your first? And if you have more than one, how did it differ, if it did?

[Bootysaurus]

My first was how you described with Daisy...we're still bonding...it's getting much better as she grows older.

With Aidan, it was love at conception :hehe: I mean...yea. I can't explain it.

I love both of my girls, it just happened differently.

[Paula]

I had a similar experience, Lily.
With Randy, it was instantaneous. We were bonded so quickly.

With Brianna, it was much slower. I loved her but it was not this instant closeness. I think I tried to hold myself back from loving her as much because I did not know what her medical status was and I kept fearing that some big bomb would drop and she had a fatal condition or something...I just did not want to get close to her as much.

Now, we're bonded like I wish we had been at her birth.

[Heather]

Well I had a touch of PPD with both, so that mixed with the constant crying with both (although for different reasons) made the bond develop slow. I don't remember my exact feelings with Cohen, but with Aven I remember wondering when I would feel like I loved her. I knew it was the ppd so I really wasn't worried about it not happening. I just felt very numb for a while and I remember having to fake the happiness. It went away with meds and now I am 100% absolutely completely in-love with both of my babies. I look at them and feel the most intense love I've ever felt in my entire life. :love: So I totally understand what you're saying. It's the best feeling ever.

[Jojo]

I loved Matt as soon as I saw his little face :love: Still makes me cry. I think about all the times I rocked him to sleep and would just stare at him and sob with love. It's beautiful.

I hope this happens this time around too.

[bettercowpatty]

It was definitely different with John, though I'm not sure I can describe how. With Duncan, everything was about him. He was the absolute center of our world. With John, sometimes I feel guilty that he doesn't get the same attention (which sometimes feels like not getting the same love). Of course, its a totally irrational guilt b/c no second born will ever get the same attention as the first. But then I see how he lights up when he sees his brother, and when those smiles started it really made me love them both so much.

[InlovewithShane]

I felt like this with Shane except it took probably close to year or more. It was odd to me because I'm the type of person that could see someone else have a baby and cry but it didn't happen that way when I had my own. Maybe because I hated being pregnant and had a horrible delivery. Shane was an awful sleeper and I didn't do well with little sleep. It took quite a while after I had surgery and was able to walk without pain to really start connecting with him. It's hard to talk about because I feel guilty when I look back. Like I was blaming my experience on Shane. I did and do love him very much though. I also might have had some ppd.

[NathanielsMomma]

I had a horrible pregnancy, but it wasn't because of the actual pregnancy, it was everything around it. I cried (and so did DH) when Nathaniel was born, after he came out of NICU, we both held him and just snuggled him and cried.

I hope that if I have the chance to have another child I would feel that overwhelming sense of motherhood, and love, and this fear that I am completely in charge of the life of this little being, that I felt with Nathaniel. But learning to love a child would be amazing also, because I think You would learn to cherish the things that matter the most with a newborn, and the little life that is developing into something amazing.