Playdate

[Paula]

Randy got invited over to a friend's house on Saturday. He's never gone to someone's house before, except our parents.

I'm excited for him, but I am also so nervous.
Seriously, I worry about him being abused...sexually.

My mom says I am nuts andI have to let him grow up and leave the house...

Am I crazy?

[ShelbysMommy]

Well, things do happen, but I'd say that you probably wouldn't be sending him over if you didn't know the parents, right? He's also old enough that he would be able to communicate to you if he felt uncomfortable isn't he?

I know I worry about it too. It happened to me when I was 2, but it was my babysitter's son, who was 15 at the time. He also abused my brother, who was 4.

DH and I (because of my experience) are super protective of where Shelby stays. We won't leave her with a male caregiver.

We do plan on teaching her about how no one should be touching her in her private areas unless they are helping her wipe her bottom. We've already talked with her about it a little bit, and she's only 2.

I am big on going with your gut instinct. If you get an uncomfortable vibe from anyone in the family, don't leave him there. You don't want to be worrying about it constantly. However, you also don't want him to miss out on things.

[Mama Sandy]

Is there a reason you're feeling this way or is this just something you're always concerned about in general? I ask because with my "history" I tend to think that way much more often than ANY of my friends so it's more of a general way of thinking for me. I also am VERY sensitive to certain red flags that set my spidey sense tingling and I NEVER EVER ignore that spidey sense!! That intuition is there for a reason and I would rather my kid miss a play date or two than have a lifetime of healing.

So, my advice is to listen to your heart and your mommy instincts. If there's something telling you specifically this isn't a good idea then either change the circumstances (maybe meet WITH the other family somewhere publicly, invite them to your house instead, etc.) or just cancel this play date. If it's just a general feeling and you've done all you can it's certainly a judgment call on your part. It's true that we can't allow our own fears to interfere with our childrens' lives but we can also be sure not to take any unneccessary chances.

:support:

[Paula]

I was abused by a neighbor, so I think I am just overly cautious.
This is a nice family. The kids go to daycare together. The child lives with his grandparents. I talk to the grandmother at the school a lot and she came to Randy's party and hung out with me and my mom the whole time...so I'm pretty comfortable with her...In fact, if it were anyone else, there is probably not a chance he would go...

[Paula]

Oh and Randy and I have the "penis is private" conversation. In fact, we had it again last night.

I asked him what would happen if someone said they would buy him a spiderman or give him candy to see it...and taught him that his penis is still private...

[Bootysaurus]

I feel the same way especially as Dylan get older.

When she was little, I always asked if they had a gun in the house. I know that many people might, but Dylan wasn't allowed to go over-- even if it was locked up. I lost a cousin who was 8 to a "locked up" gun.

If I don't know the dad, she can't go.

Luckily for us, over the past 5 years, there's only been a few households that she goes to repeatedly (bestest friends EVER! :hehe: ) so we know the parents now and trust them.

He'll have fun!

[Paula]

I asked the daycare director her thoughts.
She said she would send her kids there. She's pretty honest - she told me who I might want to invite or not invite to Randy's party...
So that makes me feel better.