I hate my boobs

[Jojo]

Yeah. I really do. Guess what I'm doing now? I'm hooked up to the ****ing Medela because my nipples suck and I'm in so much pain I can't nurse. I thought it was getting better but last night I thought he ripped off a piece of my nipple.

The outer edges are all bruised and swollen. I hate this!!!!!!! Why can't my boobs cooperate like everyone elses. And the worst part is my milk hasn't come in at all yet (I feel slightly bruised, thinking engorgement soon?) so I'm getting like a tsp of colustrum. So ****ing frustrating. So we have been supplmenting last night and I mix whatever comes out with the formula. I was freaking out cause he hadn't peed since we left the hospital (dry diaper) and I didn't want him to dehydrate. I think this it the first time Mommy guilt has not taken over. I am just relieved he is eating (and peeing!). Hopefully the LC gives me some words of wisdom...I know she'll want me to pump anyway so I started. I think i'm gonna get me a new pump since this one is 7 years old. Looks like old Bessie and I are best friends again :rolleyes:

(I KNOW I should have just used the shield from the beginning now if I try...omg the pain is the same!!!!!)

[AmsterDamsel]

I don't have any first hand experience of course, but I have been told that babies stomachs are super tiny after birth and even a teaspoon of collustrum is good for him!

Your poor boobs and poor you. Do you have any nipple cream? The LC is coming today to help you, right?

[Jojo]

Yeah, but he was screaming last night and I just could not feed him. I couldn't. I started having the same feelings I was having towards Matt (cringing with the thought of BFing) and I didn't want to move in that direction. If my nipples were fine, nursing every 30 min wouldn't be a problem. Plus the whole no pee thing is freaky.

Yes, she's coming at 10. I have some cream she prescribed me and I'll probably get a new pump today. Yay...:rolleyes:

[AmsterDamsel]

Good luck Jo!

I wonder if any woman has had smooth sailing with breastfeeding from the get go. It seems everyone I talk to had some sort of issue with it in the beginning particularly with their first baby.

[bella_bella]

I hope she can help you get to a more comfortable point.

For me the first month was SO painful. Like toe curling pain when he first latched on. It was because he tore the side on both of my nipples, from me not knowing what to do to unlatch him, I'd just pull him off once he was done....OUCH! So yeah I paid....and learned my lesson!

It could be as simple as that, one time, wrong latch = horrible pain!

Keep trying and pumping...things will smooth out soon! :hug:

[Jojo]

I had the LC check at the hospital for anything and she said he had a great mouth and latch. But who knows...I had him latched on a for a long time Sunday evening so I probably did lots of damage thinking I was a pro or something...:rolleyes:

[Elaine]

:bighug:

Damn. I was hoping you'd have an easy go this time around. :support:

Keep using the nipple shield even though it hurts and slather your nips with lanolin (or whatever cream you've got to use and if you don't have any get some! LOL). It will help your nipples heal because they're not being pulled quite as much as they would be without the shield. The pump may not be helping because it pulls your nips out pretty far.

Also rub some breast milk on your nips and let them air dry after you nurse or pump. Exposing them to the air will help them heal faster.

Hang tough mama! Stomp, grit your teeth and shout! You can do it!!! Think of how you stuck to it and were able to nurse Matthew and think of the $$$ you'll save by not having to buy formula! :twothumbs:

[Jojo]

Oh I'm definitely going to do all I can and not give up. I know how happy I was once I was able to fully BF Matt and what a wonderful year we had.

I didn't realize that about the pump but it feels so much better than nursing atm. I am pumping every time he gets the bottle and I pump for about 30 min and increase/decrease the speed.

Ugh. I feel like crying. This is so not fair!!!!!

[Elaine]

With the pump you won't get the friction like you do with nursing but it is still pulling on your nips so it's going to continue to open and close the wound, kwim? Give your nips as much air time as possible then coat them with some sort of cream and that should help.

[theWrap]

I remember the awful nipple pain. My nipples are flat, and I had a really hard time latching Sam. After what I thought was a good nursing session, both nipples were covered in blisters filled with blood. It was so painful!

I really hope the LC is able to help you, and your milk comes in soon!!!

[bettercowpatty]

:hugs: I hope the LC has some good advice. My milk took 4 or 5 days to come in both times. It is pretty stressful, but once it comes in, you'll probably feel a lot better b/c at least the pain of nursing will at least mean that James is getting food!

[Ashley]

:hug: It will get easier, and hopefully the LC will help!! :support:

[Jojo]

I think my milk is coming in! My boobs are more bigger than they were and are hard and painful. :yahoo:

[Ashley]

Wohoo! (well not for painful, but the milk coming!) :hula:

[Elaine]

Have you tried different positions? That might help with the pain because he's suckling at a different angle.

[Jojo]

Oh Elaine, I tried everything...

The LC just left. I'm basically F'ed up like last time. :cry: I have do everything I did last time. So...here we go again! If I wasn't so pro bfing I'd just give up right now because I don't know how I'm going through make it alone next week.

[Mari_Posa]

:hugs: I hope you are feeling better. I had horrendous nipple pain within one day of giving birth to Sara. Everytime she latched on I wanted to break my toes off. I so feel for you. I know helping her latch off correctly helped a bit, expressing BM onto the nipple after I was done, and occassionally I wouls use the Lanolin (sp?) cream. It took me a good 4 weeks to really recover well. I hope your nips are feeling better soon. Oh and just remember James's stomach is the size of a small marble right now so it won't take much to fill him up. :support:

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

Oh Elaine, I tried everything...

The LC just left. I'm basically F'ed up like last time. :cry: I have do everything I did last time. So...here we go again! If I wasn't so pro bfing I'd just give up right now because I don't know how I'm going through make it alone next week.

You can do it Mama. You already have, once with Matt. Gawd I can feel your pain and frustration. I remember it all with Isabella; the pump, the shield the pain, feeling like a total failure.

But I got through it, and so did you.

Get yourself some soothies pads. Keep them in the fridge and use them after a feeding. They were a life safer for me.

I never liked lanolin but I loved Earth Mama Angel Baby's Nipple butter better. Let the girls hang out and get as much air time as possible.

Use warm compresses on your boobs (heating pad, hot wet towels, whatver) to help relieve the pain of engorgement and it will really help with letdown too.

Also try nursing him in the tub. Isabella always did well when we were both naked in the tub together. Lots of skin to skin, you know the drill.

Hang in there. Feel free to call me Jo if you need some help/support/encouragement/whatever. I doubt I would have anything to offer that the LC didn't already suggest but once Isabella goes down to bed I'll look through my text books from class and see what I can find.

[Jojo]

Thank you all so much!

I can't BF because they are that bad. She said they are well on their way to becoming infected and if I didn't have the clindamycin in the hospital she'd put me on an antibiotic. And she said I should be better in 3 days where they aren't as cracked and sore but I still can't BF. I have to use the 36mm flanges (should have remembered that from last time.) so they don't rub my nipples and once I'm healed better I can use the regular size. And I can only pump for 5-10 min every 3 hours. I have another appt. with her on Tuesday so she can check me again and see where we go from there. Right now I'm on APNO and Diflucan. I have to hand express so I don't get clogged ducts and take lecithin and a whole bunch of other stuff. Oh this is so much FUN :rolleyes:

But I know I can do it because I've done it before. And I know I will do it because I want to. Thanks for all the nice words though. I'm sure I'll be in here venting a lot in the next week.

(DH might stay home next week for 3 more days just so I can get the whole pumping thing with a toddler down.)

[Elaine]

One thing that I think helped me the most was that for the first day or so I nursed him while lying down. I think that made a huge difference because there was no work involved in getting him into the right position. He couldn't really slip off, I wasn't shifting around to get comfortable (made sure I was comfy before I latched him on) and it seemed like a really natural position for both of us.

After that I nursed him in the football position because of my incision then I slowly started nursing him in the cradle hold and now that's primarily what we do. Some nights I'll nurse him in the football position if I need to clip his nails because he falls asleep I can get at them without moving him.

I pump around Ben all the time and now he just ignores it. For the first little while he was right in there watching my nipple move in and out but I explained what it was doing, he was satisfied and now it just bores him. :hehe: If he's awake he plays while I pump.

Hang in there mama!!! It sucks right now but you can do it! :support:

[Jojo]

Oh Matt loves the pump! :lol: He was touching the flanges and just staring. James is a good quiet baby so I know he'll be fine when I pump. Matt can get crazy if he's not getting attention so looks like I might have to make a trip to the library and get a Barney DVD or Thomas :hehe:

I did the laying down thing last night. Last time I BFed.

I guess it's just my body or my breasts. The LC has no idea why my body does this and said that most of the time the 2nd time is so much easier and better. I told her about the LC at the hospital and she said they don't really help at all unless your nipple falls off in front of them :lol:

[theWrap]

Huge, ginormous hugs to you, Jo!! I am so glad that the LC came to your home to work with you, and I'm sorry you are going through so much trouble with your girls. I hope everything heals up and you can get back to BFing!

[Andrea]

I am so sorry you have to deal with this! I hope you heal quickly and everything goes smoothly!:hug:
You are an awesome mama!

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

Ouch that sounds painful :hug: Definitely listen to your LC!

APNO is amazing stuff.

[ShelbysMommy]

I hope you heal quickly! I had to use a nipple shield with Shelby for a while...about 2 months. Not fun.

[Leah]

:hugs: I hope it gets better.

[Jack'smommy]

:hug: You can do this, Jo. :support:

[Bootysaurus]

:hug:

[Jojo]

Oh I got 1 whole ounce of liquid gold before :yahoo:

I even took a pic and I'll upload it tomorrow. My boobs are extremely engorged now and I hope when I sit down to pump out pours more.

[Caitlin]

Jo that totally sucks! At least you know exactly what to do this time around. :support:

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

Oh I got 1 whole ounce of liquid gold before :yahoo:

I even took a pic and I'll upload it tomorrow. My boobs are extremely engorged now and I hope when I sit down to pump out pours more.

When this happened to me my LC had me put a hot wet towel over my boobs while pumping... talk about flow!!!!!! That heat really got the milk-a-movin!

And gawd they were so huge and red and sore that hot towel felt so good.

Give it a try it will feel great and I promise it will help get the milk flowing... at least it did for me, and it is something we often suggest during pump counseling.

[Heather]

Bless your heart! I had no idea you had to go through all of this with Matt. :bighug: You can do it though! We're here to cheer ya on.

[Jojo]

I'm getting 2 oz now. And my boobs are leaking :))

The left one is still harder than the right and no amount of heat or massage is helping. I am putting some cold packs on it after I pump for 10 min to relieve it but it's much better than yesterday.

My sores are scabbing too and when I pump now I feel nothing so that's a good sign! I lost my diflucan prescription (picked it up and now I don't know wtf I did with it so I have to see if insurance will cover another one.) And the APNO is a God send. I love that stuff.

Thanks ladies :hugs: