How do you discipline a toddler?

[Jojo]

I'm looking for ideas.

How can I discipline Matthew when the word "no" means zilch?

Time outs? He doesn't have favorite toys just his lovey and I can't do that to him (take it away).

[Cindy]

I hang him by his toes from a tree. Usually works ;)

I threaten time out. He's actually been in time out three times. Once in a chair when he spilt nail polish everywhere. The other two were in his crib. Now I just say "do you need to go in time out" and he listens. I'm sure that won't work forever but for now it does. Lol

[AddiesMomma]

I've had to spank her before, so I pretty much tell her no and and if she doesn't listen, I ask her if she wants spanked and she says no and quits. We tried time outs once but I don't think she really understood it.

[NathanielsMomma]

:ditto:

I've only had to spank Nathaniel once and he got the clue.

[theWrap]

I really recommend "Happiest Toddler on the Block." It has been a godsend for me and totally changed Sam's behavior. Not to say that we don't still have some meltdowns, but it's so much better.

Also, I am a big believer in time outs. They work for us - but that's partly because our daycare and my parents are all very consistent in applying them.

We spanked Sam twice and honestly, it isn't something I can do. It made me feel really uncomfortable and I don't know that it worked that well. But I know spanking works for many others.

[Paula]

Time outs---sitting in the corner. Consistently. No matter where you are.

[Leah]

Time out. A lot of the time he seems to care less about it, but it at least re-directs his behavior and makes him stop doing the negative behavior. He is usually better and moves on to something else after a time-out. A lot of times I just say..."do you want a time out?" and it works. Sometimes he does get upset about the time out, so I think he is starting to get it. We started time out around 18+ months. ;)

I think it's important not to try and over-explain things (what they did wrong) because frankly they don't get it and won't listen. Use a couple of words to describe the undesired behavior and put him in time out, like "no hitting." We do 2 minute time out and set the timer on the microwave. He usually doesn't get up, but if he does I place him back in time and with as little conversation as possible. After time out. I explain why in as few words as possible again and he usually says sorry and gives me a hug.;)

[Jojo]

Thanks ladies!

I guess we can start time outs. I'll have to designate a spot for it. (you think that's a good idea??)

[Jenni]

I think Jasia is a little older, she gets sent to her room... a lot.

[Jojo]

I think Jasia is a little older, she gets sent to her room... a lot.


:hehe: I just really never had to deal with unruliness this young. Guess I'm just lucky or something. Hopefully since it started so soon it ends soon...one can wish, right?

[Andrea]

Time outs seem to work most of the time for us.
But when it's something like being mean to me...I turn my back on her and walk away...it drives her crazy.:hehe:
She says "come back mama" and I just ignore her until she apologizes.

Matt is a lot younger, so I would try the time out thing. Its frustrating in the beginning, but once they realize what time out is...usually you can just threaten it. Ava still freaks the whole time she is in time out...like screams as loud as she can and flops around....I just leave the room and she usually calms down, because now she doesn't have an audience.

I also don't let her get out of time out until she is calm.

[Jenni]

Jo - Jasia is full of piss and vinegar (and it's deceiving because she's a cute stinker). We never had to discipline Jorja, never. The threat of timeout was enough. As I type this we're on our fourth summons to her room for various reasons why she can not go to sleep tonight.

[ShelbysMommy]

I have a very willful toddler. Shelby would get out of time out 25 times in a row, and refuse to sit down. I would keep putting her back in, and it was a constant battle, and I'd spend more time putting her back in time that by the time we finally accomplished it, she wouldn't even remember what she was getting in trouble for.
I actually started putting her in a chair, and standing in front of it, with my back to her. I'd set the kitchen egg timer, so she had a visual of how much time she had (1 minute at age 1, 2 at age 2). She would scream and push at me, but I refused to acknowledge her.
After the time was up, I'd ask her (insert what she did) was okay, and she'd say no. Then I'd have her say sorry.
It took at least 6 months before she'd actually sit in time out for the required time without getting up and running away.
She's had a few swats, usually for something serious, like running into the street, or running away in a parking lot.
We are going to have a fun time when she's a teenager. :rolleyes:

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

Good question. I have about 10 different books on the subject I plan on reading before it is too late and she's a teen in juvy hall :rolleyes:.

Let me pass some of them along to you... I know we have somewhat similar views in terms of discipline so they might be ones you'd look into reading. So far we do a lot of redirecting and it works (but this is mostly for tantrums) she isn't really in the flat out defiance stage yet but I know it is coming. My problem is trying to figure out what needs being disciplined for and what is normal toddler behavior. I'm trying very hard to remind myself that she is a toddler and some of this stuff is language barrier/learning about the world around her etc.

[bella_bella]

Good question. I have about 10 different books on the subject I plan on reading before it is too late and she's a teen in juvy hall :rolleyes:.

Let me pass some of them along to you... I know we have somewhat similar views in terms of discipline so they might be ones you'd look into reading. So far we do a lot of redirecting and it works (but this is mostly for tantrums) she isn't really in the flat out defiance stage yet but I know it is coming. My problem is trying to figure out what needs being disciplined for and what is normal toddler behavior. I'm trying very hard to remind myself that she is a toddler and some of this stuff is language barrier/learning about the world around her etc.

This is our biggest problem - hubby sometimes forgets that he's almost TWO and gets mad at silly things. I try to be calm. My choice is with the time outs, I've used the threat of it and put him down on the floor twice, neither time was understood. But that's understandable! I'll keep trying it and see how it goes. I really want to get a chair that means business...haha.

[Elaine]

Time outs didn't work with Ben when he was Matt's age but they do now. I think he was well over 2 before it finally clicked and he understood what they meant. Now, most of the time the threat is enough and no time out is required. I can't remember what we did before time outs. I must have blocked it out. :hehe:

Sorry. Not much help, am I? :blush:

[Jojo]

Good question. I have about 10 different books on the subject I plan on reading before it is too late and she's a teen in juvy hall :rolleyes:.

Let me pass some of them along to you... I know we have somewhat similar views in terms of discipline so they might be ones you'd look into reading. So far we do a lot of redirecting and it works (but this is mostly for tantrums) she isn't really in the flat out defiance stage yet but I know it is coming. My problem is trying to figure out what needs being disciplined for and what is normal toddler behavior. I'm trying very hard to remind myself that she is a toddler and some of this stuff is language barrier/learning about the world around her etc.


Definitely. I sometimes, well all the time, have to remind myself that he is so frustrated because I have no clue what he wants/needs. He literally says NOTHING. Just mama and moo. (not 2 words that should go together har har).

I have to also remind myself to set my standards of behavior super low.

[Jojo]

Time outs didn't work with Ben when he was Matt's age but they do now. I think he was well over 2 before it finally clicked and he understood what they meant. Now, most of the time the threat is enough and no time out is required. I can't remember what we did before time outs. I must have blocked it out. :hehe:

Sorry. Not much help, am I? :blush:

I dont' think they'll work with Matt either. This is why: When he goes down for a nap I have to sit near his bed and wait til he conks out. Before he came down with coxsackie he laid down by himself. Anyway, if he jumps around a lot I tell him if he can't sit still I am leaving. So he smiles and continues to jump on the bed-I get up-and he throws a fit. I close the door and he is screaming so loud my ears bleed. And then I feel bad and go back in (and I know it's my fault!)

[AddiesMomma]

Happiest Toddler on the Block had some really good ideas that I use. Basically the main thing is to communicate before redirecting so that he doesn't think you are just ignoring his feelings. For example, I usually try to say "I know, you want to _____" and wait for her to process that I understand why she's upset and then tell her why we can't. That seems to help ALOT. When it doesn't, I redirect. When that doesn't work I ask if she wants spanked and that almost always gets her to stop. The only reason I actually spank is if she does something harmful (like run into the street) or if she does something out of spite/to test me.

[Carmen]

Toddlers are hard. Clearly, my kids aren't as well adjusted as others because at toddler age, they were in trouble plenty. I didn't have a lot of success with time outs because for the exact same reason moms have mentioned struggling with not knowing when they should be in trouble and when they shouldn't for communication reasons, I found time outs to be simply beyond my ability.

It frustrated me to no end to try to get my toddler to sit in one place and STAY in time out.

We tried them. They were not consistently successful. Depending on the action, there was a different consequence. Toy taken away, no special treat, time out, they had to take a nap, stay in their room, spanking, etc.

That's just a hard age and as they are finding their independence, they learn to test limits. It is definitely different when you have one child and can constantly spend all your time directing, redirecting, training, and teaching that one and then when you're on your third and you're still taking care of 1 and 2 and trying to do all those same things with number 3.

[InlovewithShane]

Time out works well with Shane but the key for us was I had to find a spot that Shane can't get out of. I have a couch that is rounded so when it is against the wall it make a area in the corner that he can't get out of. he also can't see out of it and he HATES it back there. He screams his head off in time out but since he hates it, when I ask him if he wants a time out he stops whatever he is doing very quickly. He has only had 3 timeouts in the past 3 months or so. When I started doing them. I know it may sound mean but Matt seems to be a lot like Shane so I think if you can't find a place where you can put him that cuts his view off people and he can't get out, He won't like time out at all. I also do it for and minute and a half.

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

Oh I can't imagine trying to get Isabella to sit in a time out... unless I put her in someplace that confined her like a pack n play, she'd never stay in one place... I definitely don't want to use her crib as a place for time outs because we struggle with her staying in her crib as it is, I don't want it to become a negative place for her.

I mean.. sheesh I can barely get her to sit still long enough to eat food let alone discipline her...

[Elaine]

Our time out spot is the bottom step of the stairs. It's kind of hidden from view because there is a wall up the side so he can't see us and we can't see him. To be honest, I have no idea why time outs work with Ben. I mean really, all he has to do is stand up and walk away from the step he's sitting on. Fortunately he hasn't figured that out yet. :hehe:

[bella_bella]

Oh I can't imagine trying to get Isabella to sit in a time out... unless I put her in someplace that confined her like a pack n play, she'd never stay in one place... I definitely don't want to use her crib as a place for time outs because we struggle with her staying in her crib as it is, I don't want it to become a negative place for her.

I mean.. sheesh I can barely get her to sit still long enough to eat food let alone discipline her...

My mom was trying this for a while when William was going through his biting stage (also known as teething) she'd just put him in his playpen and he'd get upset and she'd then take him out and explain why he was there. But that stopped when we explained to her that sleeping and his "bed" are supposed to be safe happy places! :hehe: She didn't even think of it that way. I always worried that he would hate his bed if we tried this!

[Salvigirl]

I am sorry you are having a tough time with him and I TOTALLY Feel your pain! I have to read what everyone else suggested because I would LOVE to find something that works!

I have tried everything! Timeouts do not work for him. When I ask him to stop he say "No Thank you" :hehe: I then tell him to stop or he is going in a time out. He says "Yes Please". By this point he is still doing whatever he was doing and I am at my wits end. I will put him in his room with the door shut (I got tired of the 75 million times I have to put him back on a chair and he still won't stay)! He will scream and scream and scream. Then he opens the door and screams louder through it. I go up and push him back and shut it again. After a few times of this he just comes out and he is fine. So I guess that seems to work for now.

He has quite the temper and would throw toys, sippies, shoes, etc... when he was mad and I went through the whole smacking his hand thing and just realized it was making it worse. He didn't stop what he was doing and now he was learning that he could throw something and then he would immediately hold his hand out and laugh. I am not against smacking on hands and butt by any means but it just didn't work for him. If he throws something I don't say anything. I just pick up whatever it was and it goes in the "trash" (not really, but he won't see it again for a long time). After a few items have been taken away he will stop. He has gotten ALOT better and his temper has cooled down alot. I realized that by not saying anything at all and just acting, he was getting the point and I was alot less stressed.

Different types of discipline work for different kids. I hope you find something that works!

[Goosey]

Time outs or a swat on the behind if its something super bad.

He doesnt like being put on his bed for time outs so that usually corrects things well.

[Jojo]

Happiest Toddler on the Block had some really good ideas that I use. Basically the main thing is to communicate before redirecting so that he doesn't think you are just ignoring his feelings. For example, I usually try to say "I know, you want to _____" and wait for her to process that I understand why she's upset and then tell her why we can't. That seems to help ALOT. When it doesn't, I redirect. When that doesn't work I ask if she wants spanked and that almost always gets her to stop. The only reason I actually spank is if she does something harmful (like run into the street) or if she does something out of spite/to test me.


I have the book in the bathroom and read it every time I go. :lol: Cearly you can see it isn't helping me but I must say I don't do caveman talk. I just can't seem to figure it out.

I do the whole : I know you want to jump on the bed but it's night night time and that doesn't work.

[Jojo]

I am sorry you are having a tough time with him and I TOTALLY Feel your pain! I have to read what everyone else suggested because I would LOVE to find something that works!

I have tried everything! Timeouts do not work for him. When I ask him to stop he say "No Thank you" :hehe: I then tell him to stop or he is going in a time out. He says "Yes Please". By this point he is still doing whatever he was doing and I am at my wits end. I will put him in his room with the door shut (I got tired of the 75 million times I have to put him back on a chair and he still won't stay)! He will scream and scream and scream. Then he opens the door and screams louder through it. I go up and push him back and shut it again. After a few times of this he just comes out and he is fine. So I guess that seems to work for now.

He has quite the temper and would throw toys, sippies, shoes, etc... when he was mad and I went through the whole smacking his hand thing and just realized it was making it worse. He didn't stop what he was doing and now he was learning that he could throw something and then he would immediately hold his hand out and laugh. I am not against smacking on hands and butt by any means but it just didn't work for him. If he throws something I don't say anything. I just pick up whatever it was and it goes in the "trash" (not really, but he won't see it again for a long time). After a few items have been taken away he will stop. He has gotten ALOT better and his temper has cooled down alot. I realized that by not saying anything at all and just acting, he was getting the point and I was alot less stressed.

Different types of discipline work for different kids. I hope you find something that works!


Oh man! I am so glad someone else has a holy terror too :hehe: