Total breakdown

[AmsterDamsel]

So today was day 2 of my "breastfeeding sabbatical" and it is not going well at all. Every time I try to put Gabe on the boob he cries hysterically. He'll sometimes suck while he cries and then finally stops, when I assume the milk starts coming out. I think he's frustrated because he's so used to the bottle where the milk comes quickly.

I'm worried that keeping him on the boob when he's sobbing like that will make him have an aversion to the breast. I do try to talk him off and calm him down but the minute I even put him in a nursing position he starts screaming. It's so upsetting that today I just lost it and almost gave up. I'm so tired of trying to relax so he'll feed, wrangling to get him on the boob, wrestling with the damn nipple shield so it will stay on, and having to pump all the time to build my supply. I know its worth it because I love the feeling of him calmly nursing and everyone says it will get better, but when? It's been four weeks already.

I called my poor husband hysterically crying because I had to give Gabe the bottle again. I didn't know what to do. He was starving and he wouldn't nurse. Dan reminded me how far we've come and that it took us this long to get to where he even nurses at all, he's not going to become a pro-nurser overnight. I know I need to be patient but today I just don't seem to have that patience.

I just feel like I have no control over anything and everything revolves around trying to get him to breastfeed. Its become like an obsession and its stressing me out again. But I don't want to give up just because I'm stressed over it right now. Argh!

When did you feel like you got your life back into some semblance of a routine after you gave birth?

[Jojo]

Okay, what I would do is try at every feeding. Try before he's starving. You can also give him an ounce in the bottle and then offer the breast. Always offer the breast and if he starts screaming just take him off and give him the bottle then burp him and offer the breast again.

I'm so sorry Cathy. James was refusing to nurse at night (only wanted the bottle) and now I can't get him off me. :hug:

[AmsterDamsel]

Okay, what I would do is try at every feeding. Try before he's starving. You can also give him an ounce in the bottle and then offer the breast. Always offer the breast and if he starts screaming just take him off and give him the bottle then burp him and offer the breast again.

I'm so sorry Cathy. James was refusing to nurse at night (only wanted the bottle) and now I can't get him off me. :hug:

Thanks Jo. I had been giving him the bottle for a bit and then trying to nurse after that, but if he refused I didn't offer the boob again that feeding. So I will try your advice. Now that I think about it, the times I've been successful with getting him for nurse for at least 15-20 minutes were times when he wasn't starving, it was a bit after he just had a good feeding.

[Elaine]

What Jo said. :hehe: Constantly offer him your breast. Like constantly. Shove that nipple in his face every chance you get.

What position do you use? Have you tried others? Maybe that would help.

Both my sisters, who successfully breast fed their kids, told me that it can take 8-10 weeks before you get into a smooth routine. I found that even though Thomas was a pro at nursing it still took almost 3 months before we had it down to an art.

Hang in there. I know, hollow words when you're struggling, but that's about all I have. :blush: We're here when you need to vent, many of us with much the same experience as you. We've struggled and fought too. :support:

[Jojo]

What Jo said. :hehe: Constantly offer him your breast. Like constantly. Shove that nipple in his face every chance you get.

What position do you use? Have you tried others? Maybe that would help.

Both my sisters, who successfully breast fed their kids, told me that it can take 8-10 weeks before you get into a smooth routine. I found that even though Thomas was a pro at nursing it still took almost 3 months before we had it down to an art.

Hang in there. I know, hollow words when you're struggling, but that's about all I have. :blush: We're here when you need to vent, many of us with much the same experience as you. We've struggled and fought too. :support:


yeah, it takes quite some time. Even though I nursed before I still feel like I don't have it down with James just yet.

[Heather]

:hugs: I'm so sorry it's been such a struggle. Everyone says "It's so natural. It's what our bodies are made to do!" But the fact of the matter is for a lot of women it just doesn't come all that naturally! And I often think that the problem does occur once the baby has had a bottle and wants that instant gratification that they don't get with the boob. The other girls have some great advice. Try to feed him before he's starving. Also, do you have a pump? If so, you might try pumping for a min until letdown occurs and then popping him on the boob. I've found that the magic number with most things baby seems to be 3 months old. Just hang in there if you can, and if it gets too stressful don't feel bad about formula. :hugs:

[bettercowpatty]

Have you tried pumping until you get a let-down, then putting him on immediately? That may help.
You're doing great, even though sometimes it may feel like you are so frustrated that it will never work. Lots of girls here have struggled and ended up with successfully breastfeeding.

[bella_bella]

These ladies have you covered in the advice department! I would say the same things!

I wont lie, even though William only had a few tiny issues with BFing I STILL wanted to give up a few times. Everything else seemed SO much easier at those points....I didn't get why it was so hard.

I think we've all been there at some point.

Keep trying! :hug:!!!

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

Haven't read any other replies so I'm sorry if I am repeating.

My guess is that he's frustrated because your milk does not flow as quickly as the nipple on a bottle does. So he doesn't want to work for it.

What size nipple are you using on the bottle? I would use the smallest size nipple possible to lessen the flow.

Also can you get in to see an IBCLC? Someone who is a professional breastfeeding expert?

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

Can you spend a good chunk of the day say, 5 or 6 hours and throw the bottle away altogether? Let him stay permanently attached to the boob if necessary?

Are you also using a pacifier? Sometimes babies will use the paci to self sooth so well that hunger cues are being missed so that when it is time to feed baby he's already so hungry that he won't nurse.

If you can get at a point where he is calm and will latch and feed for a good 15-20 minutes leave him there. And from that point on no artificial nipples. If he wants to pacify let him use your breast. That way he'll stay in a calm state and hopefully just continue to use the breast for food.

Another option (we did this with Isabella the first few days when we were having a rough time) is to syringe/cup/spoon/finger feed. Basically use a spoon to feed him. No bottles. That way there is no nipple confusion going on. Give him a bit via syringe or a spoon to take the edge off and then try to get him to latch.

Pumping until you have a letdown is another good idea until baby gets the hang of it. Basically pump enough to get a letdown and latch him imidiately. That can still be dangerous as he's still learning he doesn't have to work for it, but at least it gets him on the breast and he'll start to learn that is where his food comes from. Slowly try to get away from pumping once things are going smoothly.

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

Do you know typical newborn hunger cues? Is it possible that YOU are missing his cues? Are you only waiting to feed him until he gets fussy and starts crying? Babies will let you know that they are hungry long before they get frustrated and start to cry.

The most common ones are smacking or licking lips, sucking on their hands or fingers, opening and closing their mouthes looking for a place to latch.

Those are early cues.

Later hunger cues are rooting for the nipple or trying to latch on to whoever is holding (Isabella used to try and latch onto DH all the time :hehe:) They'll often try and get into a nursing position. Moving their heads frantically from side to side and lastly crying.

(sorry I'm all over the place here...)

Also when he's fussy do you remove him from the breast area and bring him back to center? Between your breasts (shirts off both of you) to a calm place and then attempt?

Here is a great article on everything fussing at the breast:
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/concerns/baby/fussy-while-nursing.html