Tantrum? or Separation issue?

[bella_bella]

This is long…sorry ladies!

This week EVERY morning William has been hell bent on going directly from bed to down stairs. The other day he was literally kicking me in the face trying to get over me to get off my side of the bed. (he knows he has to go down backwards, but doesn’t get that you can turn to ANY side of the bed to get down. he had been laying across the bed on hubbys side and just started going backwards...hence the feet in the face issue!)

As soon as he's off the bed he's heading for the door and once that's open its a beeline for the stairs. Mon/Tues/Wed, I grabbed him and went for the bathroom, because we only have 45 mins in the morning to get ready, I needed to get dressed and ready for work quickly BEFORE we went down stairs! This caused meltdown mode! NOTHING would stop his fit. He has never been a hitting or throwing himself on the ground (knock on wood***) type boy, but he is a very focused one...he wants out that door so he will stand there for 15 mins screaming to do so!

I tried EVERYTHING. I tried asking nicely, soft voice soft touches…to get his attention. I tried redirecting to get his attention. I tried (so embarrassed for this one) yelling louder, to get his attention. I tried making loud noises, to get his attention! I tried ignoring; to see if that would stop it! UGH! NOTHING worked! If I pick him up he wants down, if I put him down he wants up! I have had the ROUGHEST week ever. Then Wednesday seemed to be the breaking point. At daycare when I dropped him off he didn’t want to go to the babysitter. He normally LOVES her, normally will reach for her after a few mind of chatting and never makes any fuss to have me leave. But Wednesday he was SO mad at me. I left him there crying, because she went in to her kitchen with him and I didn’t want to stand there.

I get to work an hour later and there was a message from her….he was STILL crying! STILL!!!! I didn’t get ahold of her until 30 mins later….and he was STILL crying! UGH. The WORSE part for me is that she put him in a playpen in the play area to be alone because he was crying and scaring the other little boy there. That’s fine, it’s understandable, because I KNOW he sometimes doesn’t want to be held – and I’m ALL FOR the safe place, even I’ve put him in the crib before if he didn’t calm down, it works for the most part…but the play area is in her basement……that was kind of mean in my opinion! She basically shun my son! I was fuming. And crying. Because I seriously couldn’t even handle letting William CIO for more than 10 mins….I’m not really good with him when he cries. I feel terrible. And I want to make everything better. So he had been crying for an hour and a half, in a playpen, in the basement alone! 


I sent my mom and brother to go get him. The babysitter didn’t want to take him with her since he was crying. (I love how if you think about it, she had 1 maybe 2 other kids that day since it’s march break and some kids were off sick – normally has 4-5 and she couldn’t deal with William, so she shun him then sent him home!)

She did say he could come back at lunch time…but my brother just said don’t worry about it.

He was FINE all afternoon. And I know part of it was because he was home with his toys and his favourite uncle…but still. WTH?!

It started to make me wonder, had he been hurt there? What happened to make him so dead set on not wanting to be at daycare!?

I still don’t understand, because this morning…no tears! Mind you, I tried to give him more freedom. He wanted down, so I let him get down, I opened the door…and he went to his bedroom and played for a few mins while I did some things. Then we went downstairs. He cried for a minute when we got to daycare, but she redirected his attention and he was smiling within another minute!

It was NOTHING like the 3 days before today….so what’s tomorrow going to be like? lol

Is this a tantrum phase…..or maybe a “I only want mommy phase” …or maybe a mix of both?!


Sorry this got so long. I had to share. Hopefully someone has had something like this happen...the weird tantrum situation, lol, not the weird playpen in the basement situation!

[AddiesMomma]

I think it's a mix of both and also a testing phase. Addie went through the screaming and crying for an hour or longer when I dropped her off in the morning a few months ago. Kirk's dad started redirecting her to the kitchen as soon as we got in the door to get her juice and now she walks in, takes her jacket and hat off, waves and blows me a kiss and heads to the kitchen for her juice.

I think giving him some independence was the right thing. A lot of times Addie just wants to be able to do something herself and if she doesn't get to she goes and pouts or throws a fit. There were A LOT of times that I had to step back for a second and realize that it was fine if she wanted to do it herself, even if it meant she was going to make a mess. A lot of times I feel like I'm a lazy mommy because of this, but anytime I want something from another room, I ask her to go get it instead of going to get it myself. She loves doing stuff like that. Plus I give her loads of praise when she brings me the right thing. Maybe you could start doing stuff like that with things you know he recognizes?

[Farah]

Sounds like he's starting to realize he's his own person and wants to do his thing. Toddlerhood at it's finest. I think you did the right thing by letting him have his independence. I would start giving him options. Make sure they're both options that you like and are willing to go through with and see if he can choose. For example, in the morning he wants picked up, but you know if you pick him up he'll just want to play in his room. Ask him "Will, do you want Mommy to pick you up or to go play in your room?" You may have to guess and do both, but showing that you're willing to let him have a say over what happens to him may help. I know that once Charlie hit about 19 months old (so a little older than Will), giving him choices helped him feel more in control. It's easier now that he's talking because he can kind of tell us what he chooses.

Also, another idea....you said in the morning he wants to watch TV. Maybe you could watch it for 5 minutes with him and then start getting ready. That way he gets what he wants and you can move on with life?

I hate when they're so young they can't talk, but they're so ready to be their own littler person! :support:

[Bootysaurus]

Sounds like he doesn't like it there.

The woman sounds like a tool. Who puts a BABY in the basement?!?! Makes you wonder what she does when he "acts up" as kids do.

I'd look for other daycare. Pronto.

I know it sucks, but if Aidan was acting like that with Marcia, I'd pull her out that day. No way would she go back.

Reminds me of when I was 2 (my mom told me this) and she came to pick me up and I was not at the table eating with the other children....Where was I? I was eating outside with the dogs because I dropped my snack.

My mom *****ed the woman out and I never went back.

I would NOT be okay with this. When looking for daycare, at an interview, the woman put a 5 month old in a stroller OUTSIDE and let him cry for about 20 minutes, SCREAMING! Finally I said something and she said, Oh, he has to do that before he sleeps.

No effing way.

:hug: How sad :( I'd hate to think he was hurt there. But I'm sure there is a vibe he just isn't diggin.

[bella_bella]

I think it's a mix of both and also a testing phase. Addie went through the screaming and crying for an hour or longer when I dropped her off in the morning a few months ago. Kirk's dad started redirecting her to the kitchen as soon as we got in the door to get her juice and now she walks in, takes her jacket and hat off, waves and blows me a kiss and heads to the kitchen for her juice.

I think giving him some independence was the right thing. A lot of times Addie just wants to be able to do something herself and if she doesn't get to she goes and pouts or throws a fit. There were A LOT of times that I had to step back for a second and realize that it was fine if she wanted to do it herself, even if it meant she was going to make a mess. A lot of times I feel like I'm a lazy mommy because of this, but anytime I want something from another room, I ask her to go get it instead of going to get it myself. She loves doing stuff like that. Plus I give her loads of praise when she brings me the right thing. Maybe you could start doing stuff like that with things you know he recognizes?

This sounds like a good idea...he is really good at playing the ta-ta game...I'll get him to take something to daddy in the other room or I will point at his ball and say ta-ta the ball to mama...and he'll get it. SO maybe I should extend this and ask him to get more things and different things to distract him! Thanks!

Sounds like he's starting to realize he's his own person and wants to do his thing. Toddlerhood at it's finest. I think you did the right thing by letting him have his independence. I would start giving him options. Make sure they're both options that you like and are willing to go through with and see if he can choose. For example, in the morning he wants picked up, but you know if you pick him up he'll just want to play in his room. Ask him "Will, do you want Mommy to pick you up or to go play in your room?" You may have to guess and do both, but showing that you're willing to let him have a say over what happens to him may help. I know that once Charlie hit about 19 months old (so a little older than Will), giving him choices helped him feel more in control. It's easier now that he's talking because he can kind of tell us what he chooses.

Also, another idea....you said in the morning he wants to watch TV. Maybe you could watch it for 5 minutes with him and then start getting ready. That way he gets what he wants and you can move on with life?

I hate when they're so young they can't talk, but they're so ready to be their own littler person! :support:

I also like the options. I could try this BEFORE he starts to get upset, and then he see's that I want him to have a few options and this morning when I let him play for 5 in his room he seemed OK with then going to get dressed with mommy.
I don't think it's the TV that he wants, he never really pays attention to the TV....I think it's just that he wants downstairs. Maybe to find daddy, maybe he's hungry....it's just that he wants to go down!


Thanks so much ladies. :D I'm starting to realize that I'm not alone on this. He's just going through some phase and the teething isn't helping. It seems that it's pretty common, just a BIT different with every child! ;)

[bella_bella]

Sounds like he doesn't like it there.

The woman sounds like a tool. Who puts a BABY in the basement?!?! Makes you wonder what she does when he "acts up" as kids do.

I'd look for other daycare. Pronto.

I know it sucks, but if Aidan was acting like that with Marcia, I'd pull her out that day. No way would she go back.

Reminds me of when I was 2 (my mom told me this) and she came to pick me up and I was not at the table eating with the other children....Where was I? I was eating outside with the dogs because I dropped my snack.

My mom *****ed the woman out and I never went back.

I would NOT be okay with this. When looking for daycare, at an interview, the woman put a 5 month old in a stroller OUTSIDE and let him cry for about 20 minutes, SCREAMING! Finally I said something and she said, Oh, he has to do that before he sleeps.

No effing way.

:hug: How sad :( I'd hate to think he was hurt there. But I'm sure there is a vibe he just isn't diggin.


I know right! I feel like I'm being over protective, but it's just me being his mommy!

I did talk to her a bit...and I wanted to see what he'd do today, if he was really reacting to HER or if he was having a bad day...and he went in just fine today.

That doesn't make putting him in the basement OK...I know that. I am still mad about this....and we will have a further discussion.....but I couldn't exactly say anything in front of the other kids or parents!

I am looking around as a side option...but we live in a smaller area and there are only a few really good day cares....ALL have wait lists!


BTW...YIKES....some daycare people are messed!

Other than this experience, our babysitter has ALWAYS seemed amazing. She gets TONS of praise from other parents and like I said before William loves her...he gives her kisses and hugs in the morning normally when I drop him off!

[Bootysaurus]

Well, the whole basement thing wouldn't fly with me. At all. I couldn't imagine our sitter telling me she let Aidan cry in the back room for over an hour.

SERIOUSLY!?

No.

I wish you luck. I really hope she's not shady. :hug: