Social Rejection

[Farah]

Okay, so I'm a total over sensitive mom about this, probably, but I still am worried/saddened.

Charlie is a super sociable kid. He loves playing WITH other kids and has a blast with everyone. He's very sweet and listens pretty well. I know it sounds like I'm bragging, but really, I have a great kid and I'm really really lucky.

Well, we don't have any friends for him to play with. He had one friend but that didn't work out and Charlie feels sad because these kids won't play with him. We go to the park everyday and he walks up to other kids and tries to play and usually they are older and run off or too young to understand/care. Usually after this happens Charlie stands there, hanging his head, and if there was a thought bubble I'm sure it would say "Why won't they play with me?"

Yesterday we went to the park with our friends and Charlie was so so excited to see them! He tried to get the boy to go on the slide with him and after I prompted him to go on the slide and show his friend how fun it was he did. After two trips down the slide and his friend going elsewhere with no care that Charlie was even there, I saw him go down the slide and just sit there with his head hanging. I walked over to him and asked him if he was okay and he sighed and said "Sad:(" and I said, "Are you feeling sad?" he responded with "Yes." I wanted to cry! Then I asked him why he was feeling sad and while he didn't say it perfectly I got his friend's name and slide in the sentence. I can only assume he was telling me he wanted to ride the slide with his friend and his friend wouldn't go with him.

This broke my heart!! :cry: I really don't want him to feel rejected and the mom guilt in me comes out that because I can't make friends that the boys will somehow suffer because they're not getting exposed to enough other kids that will play with them :(

After a few of these experiences DH and I have decided to start pre-school with him this summer. I can't stand by and watch him go through this every day at the park. I hope that by him going to pre-school, where kids are being taught to play WITH each other, that he'll make some friends and he'll feel like he fits in. I think that it should help, and I really really hope he is happy. I'm having selfish emotional issues with letting him go (he's so young, if he goes because of this did I fail him some how?, I'm scared), but I know it's for the best. Especially after yesterday's experience. *sigh*

[theWrap]

Just wanted to give you a big hug.

How old is Charlie? Preschool may be just the thing for him, a great place to make friends with other outgoing children!

I have found that children with older siblings and children who've been in daycare are more outgoing, generally, than stay at home children. Were your friend's kids stay at home kids or daycare kids?

Also, Charlie might just be more outgoing than his contemporaries. Sambilton turned 2 in February. He's been in daycare since 5 months old. Yet when I try to arrange playdates for him, he has not wanted to interact with other children. While all the kids were outside bouncing on the moonwalk for his birthday party, he stayed inside alone. I found him in his room at one point, by himself!! We had the same experience in our Kindermusik classes.

Sam has only recently - in the last 2-3 weeks - started talking about and playing with the other children at school. Until now, he only wanted to play alone or with Mommy, and sometimes Daddy.

I think Charlie may actually be MORE social than other toddlers, and being at an advanced stage of development of socialization, he's having a hard time connecting with children who aren't ready to socialize.

You might consider playdates with 4-5 year old children...that's an age by which almost all children have socialization skills.

[Bootysaurus]

:hug:

It gets WORSE!

It gets to the point where you want to go kick those kids ASSES! :( :hehe:

Seriously, it's something I have let Dylan handle on her own, but I hate hearing about it. Witnessing it is even harder, but...it's part of life.

How bad does it make us feel though, as mothers? EVERYONE SHOULD LOVE OUR CHILD AS MUCH AS WE DO! I'm being seriously. Fact is, they don't. :(

Your post teared me up because I know that feeling well. :hug:

[Leah]

:hug: I'm sorry mama! I can totally relate. I think the preschool is a great idea! I take Talon to the park a lot and he is interested in the big kids, but they usually want nothing to do with him, or the ones that do talk to him, then he doesn't have clear enough verbal skills so they can understand him. We have several regular playmates, but with how busy life is and everyones different schedules, it's hard to do any kind of regular meet up.

[Farah]

Charlie turned 2 in December. He has been home with me, but we've been really active with classes, park trips, etc. We also play WITH him a ton.

Lauren, you're totally right about the older kids thing. We have this one friend that has a 5 year old and he and Charlie get along fabulously. They have so.much.fun together!! I told dh that Charlie was in the in between zone of being more sociable than a normal 2 year old, but not able to really physically "hang" with the older kids. I guess that could be right.

Tes, trust me...dh and I have both wanted to kick some toddler ass :hehe: Charlie's so sweet that when another kid pushes him to get by or takes a toy he's playing with he would stand there, hanging his head, look up over his brow, stare at them, and have this look on his face that said "why did you push me?" or "hey, but I was playing with that". Only recently has he started to tell kids "no!" when he's pushed or say "hey, my turn!" when he has a toy yanked from him (and inside dh and I think "you tell them, buddy!!" :blush:)

Leah, that's exactly it! He wants to play with the big kids and acts like the big kids socially, but because his verbal skills are limited they get tired of trying to figure him out and couldn't care less about him. :(

I really hope preschool helps him! Mommy's so not ready! I was thinking I'd start fall 2011 so this over a year earlier than planned!

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[Jenni]

He's going to LOVE LOVE school!

[bella_bella]

:support: :hug: I'm sorry...I hope pre-school is what he needs to get his social fix. And that he's happy and comes home to enjoy his time with you! :)

[NathanielsMomma]

Aww that makes me sad!! I hate when other kids dont understand that they want to play.

Preschool will be awesome for Charlie, he'll make a lot of friends, and they will all play together. Nathaniel absolutely LOVES daycare and get's mad at me when I have to get him off the playground, sometimes I just join the teachers and let him play a little longer.

[Jojo]

Pre-school is a great idea!! It sounds like he's ready to meet some cool kids ;) :bluehug:

[Leah]

I messaged you about this already.

It sounds like you are doing everything right and everything you can. I think it's important to teach kids how to play with other kids too. They are a bit young still, but you can teach them how to approach another kid... 1. Say "hi" and smile. 2. Ask "what's your name?" 3. Say "My name is ...." etc..... 4. ask "want to play on the slide?"

Maybe I'm too involved because I tell the big kids too..."he loves "big" kids" (strokes their ego) and tell them he is still learning how to talk, just like they did when they were younger but he can understand most of what they are saying. :p Girl (big kids) are usually more receptive to this and playing with him.

[Farah]

I'm the same way, Leah. I try to explain it to them and sometimes they listen. I find the ones that are older siblings typically do.