WWYD?

[Heather]

So I'm seriously considering quitting my job and I need some opnions. Would you do it if you were me? I work for a fairly new company that does aviation simulation training. We're a government contractor. Since we've been in business, we've had an 800% growth. I believe this is due to the fact that one of our owners is a war hero that was one of the guys that the movie Black Hawk Down was made about. So as you can imagine, he's highly respected. I am the 15th employee at the company, and I fully believe that we'll have several hundred employees one day. (Possibly soon since a couple of contracts that we are bidding on would require that many. So I could potentially work my way up to whatever I want to do. I'm currently working in Human Re
Sources and Security. Anywho, just want you to know what I would be giving up. Now, why I want to quit. Dh travels 3-4 days a week. He's typically gone Mon-Thurs. I miss my babies, and I don't know how much longer I can do this practically by myself. I get up at 5:00am, get myself and kids ready, work at 8:00, home, dinner, baths, laundry, bed for kids, wash bottles, etc etc, then finally bed for me at 9:00. It's exhausting. I also have enormous mommy guilt for not being with my baby girl like I was with Cohen. I want to see all of her firsts. I miss Cohen too. I have looked for a job like this for years, and I'd be stupid to give it up. But my kids are so much more important. I can't even do a good job at work because my mind is totally not there, it's thinking about my babies. Also, we can afford it, but our lifestyle will be significantly downsized if I quit. Dh has his yearly review in july, so he could be getting a nice little raise. So do I wait to see what happens there? I am so confused. Help!! Please give me some insight.

[BabyLove08]

oh heather i'm of no help, i just wanted to offer some :bluehug: i guess if i were in your shoes and I knew that we could make it on my DH salary i'd quit and spend those precious moments with my kids. Although i think i might kick myself for not hanging onto a job that I wished I had down the road when my kids were in school. See i'm no help, i'm to wishy washy :hehe: I think it's a reasonable idea if you wait and see what kind of raise your DH gets and base your decision off of that, that sounds like a plan ;)Whatever you decide you'll make the right decision b/c it will be the best for you and your family! :support:

[Heather]

Haha, you really aren't any help! Haha! Just kiddin. :hehe: This is exactly why I don't know what to do! If I could only tell them to hold my job for me for a year or so....

[Sam I Am]

Is there a possibility of asking them to take you to part time? That way you can still be a part of that business that you have wanted but still have several days off and at home with the kiddos. I can totally understand your need to be home and experience Avens' milestones.

ETA
One more thought... Being that your DH is gone all week, for the most part, you won't be getting much of a break from the kids in the evening after being with them all day long. I know for me this is a hard thing to deal with at times when my DH is gone. I need to have a break from her after dealing with tantrums and fits ALL.DAY.LONG. Just my thoughts

[Leah]

That's such a hard decision! I don't know if cutting your days down is an option, but that might be a good idea if you could.

I really can't imagine dh being gone most of the week and doing all of what you do. You are amazing! I would have zero patience left after all that and working so much. If this is the job that you have dreamed of and love, I'd say to stick with it because it might not come along again in 2 years when you are ready. However, if it's just a good job to you, but not what you really want your career to be and being at home is what you want, then I'd give it up and find something else when you are ready to go back.

Whatever you decide.....Don't make your decision based on guilt! I guess that's the best advise I can give you. If you decide to stay home, don't do it because you feel guilty about not being with Aven or anything like that. You're kids will be happy as long as you are. If it is the desire of your heart to have this time with your kids because it is important to you and your family and is financially do-able, then do that.

Not sure if that helped either. :hehe: I'm sorry it's such a hard decision. :hug:

[Mama Sandy]

He's typically gone Mon-Thurs. I miss my babies, and I don't know how much longer I can do this practically by myself.

Being a mommy that's been on both sides of the coin I have to say there are advantages and disadvantages to both. The phrase I quoted above really resounded to me simply because being home won't really change that situation. You may not have to take those three hours to get you and the kids ready but rather those three hours will be filled with some other daunting task. Whether it's those exact hours every morning or a different 3 hours during the day. So, I guess it raised a couple (rhetorical) questions for me. Why were you staying home when Cohen was little? Was it a choice or what was the situation back then? Also, when did you go back/go to work (what age was he)? I am asking mainly to get an idea of how long you'd feel the NEED to be with your kiddos rather than in the workforce.

I am not much help either because I love staying home. I know a couple friends of mine don't feel that way AT ALL but didn't realize it until it was too late. That's the saddest thing to see a friend go through. Then again, I myself went through baby/kid withdrawals when I was working and that was the saddest thing to go through too. :(

I guess the whole point of my post is that you need to REALLY think about yourself, your priorities and the future of your family before making a decision. It's a REALLY tough spot to be in. Especially since you have SO MUCH potential with the company you're with in an economy like this. I definitely don't envy your situation right now! :support:

:hugs:

[Anjyldream]

Heather, I actually have a huge spill of advice for you and will work on getting it all typed out and then send it to you. I'll try to get it done tonight.

[Jojo]

I just wanted to offer you :hugs:

I really don't have any advice. As a SAHM I must say there are days I envy my husband for having a life outside the home and there are days I don't. So I'm no help either.

[Farah]

You know what I think. I just want you to be happy and to make a decision that is right for you all....not based on guilt or a grass is greener idea.

I can say that while my DH doesn't travel I do a LOT of it on my own. There can be weeks where Charlie didn't see him (fortunately he hasn't had to do this lately, but is about to for the next few months with some projects) because he's gone before they wake up and they're in bed before he's home. It makes for very long days and for very exhausted Mommy...not much different from yours :support: Oh...and my adult interaction consists of phone calls and random moms at the park. Nothing really beyond that. That can be annoying, too.

Think about the following things (and I know you have, but I'm saying it again):


Will you want to go back to work (even if part time) in the next year? If so, what type of job do you think you'll be able to get? Will you have to do retail again?
Have you talked to where you work now to see if they would do part time?
Will Cohen still go to daycare even if for a few days a week?
Have you looked at your budget?
Where do you see yourself in 3 years?

Your kids will love you and appreciate (and then hate in their teen years) you for everything you do. Make sure you're happy now, but also make sure you're still happy in 6+ months.

[Elaine]

I just wanted to offer you :hugs:

I really don't have any advice. As a SAHM I must say there are days I envy my husband for having a life outside the home and there are days I don't. So I'm no help either.
:ditto:

There are days when I would kill for adult conversation but other days, the good days, I love being at home. It's hard for me because I am not domestic at all. If anyone here had known me before kids you'd blow a gasket laughing at me doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, being a "mom". Staying home and losing part (or most) of my sanity was just something I decided I was going to sacrifice when I decided I was ready to have kids.

I agree with Sandy. Whether you stay at home or keep working, both have their pros and cons. As it is now there aren't enough hours in the day to get things done and I'm at home all day but at the same time it's something I was willing to take on when I decided to stay home.

In the end, a happy mom means a happy baby and that's the most important thing. Do what you feel you have to do to be happy in the long run not in the moment. :support:

[lilbunnygirl]

I feel for you, that is tough stuff. I just talked to Sean about it, as I was crying with joy and appreciation (and hormones) earlier that I am able to stay home with our children, but at the same time, my career was easy for me to walk away from. I was in a similar position (when I left my company I was 6th in seniority and they were growing very nicely) but I knew that no amount of money was worth losing Sean over, as I couldn't keep my job and be married to him at the same time, since we'd not have been able to live in the same place. And in terms of personal satisfaction, I didn't get that much out of my work. I made awesome money and I loved my co-workers, but it wasn't the important thing I wanted to do with my life. What was was being a wife and mother. So aside from missing the $$$ I have no regrets

That said, you are in an enviable position in a really great company. Sean was a CCT int he Air Force, so he knew a few of the Black Hawk guys and felt like your company is destined for huge success with that kind of a guy at the helm & doing what you do. And as much as he feels like it's important for me to be home with the kids and is glad to struggle so that I can do so, he was like "If I was her, I'd try to gut it out and see what happens because that is a once in a lifetime opportunity" and I have to agree.

But on the other hand, I know what you mean, I start crying just thinking about having to put Daisy in daycare and missing out on so much of the little wonders that happen in her and Cash's days. In the end, you can only do what feels right for you. I agree about seeing if there's some way you could work part-time or flextime or work from home part-time/office part-time, because again it would be hard to walk away from that, it's not like you could get another position like that if/when you decided to go back to work.

[Goosey]

*hugs*

Personally, Id wait to see how the raise fairs in July. Things may not change at home though since hour hubby is gone so much. You will still be doing most yourself but the one advantage I can see is the ability to feel like you can breath while doing it.

I can only imagine you feel overwhelmed and out of breath by the end of the day with work then the kids,etc. Being home, even if hubby isnt there, might give you the luxury of breathing room to get it all done.

I think many sahm's are in similar places...we do most of the work. I know that when I was working full time I did it all even though we were both working full time. When we did our finances and realized it was smarter for me to stay home I still did all the work and even now with Dan home all day, I still do it all.

So, weigh the pros and cons and then follow your heart and instincts.

Thats my best advice...sorry its not much.

[Heather]

Thanks girls. I'm still trying to figure it all out, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to quit. I'm well aware that is isn't going to be easy since I stayed home with Cohen for 14 months and stayed home with both kiddos until I went back to work 3 weeks ago. I've been praying for peace one way or the other, and I finally feel like I'm getting some with staying home. My tentative plan is to turn in my notice next Monday and tell them I'll work through the end of the month while we find my replacement and so I can train them, etc. I'm not one who's good at acting like nothing is up, so I'd feel guilty if I had made a decision and was not telling my boss. So anyway, that's where I'm at! I'll keep you all posted.

[Jojo]

Thanks girls. I'm still trying to figure it all out, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to quit. I'm well aware that is isn't going to be easy since I stayed home with Cohen for 14 months and stayed home with both kiddos until I went back to work 3 weeks ago. I've been praying for peace one way or the other, and I finally feel like I'm getting some with staying home. My tentative plan is to turn in my notice next Monday and tell them I'll work through the end of the month while we find my replacement and so I can train them, etc. I'm not one who's good at acting like nothing is up, so I'd feel guilty if I had made a decision and was not telling my boss. So anyway, that's where I'm at! I'll keep you all posted.


I'm glad you came to a decision you're at peace with :support: Keep us posted on how it goes!

[theWrap]

Good luck, Heather! I read your post and felt this sort of cheerleader surge of GO MAMA!!!!! I am so excited for you, and I hope it is a fantastic journey :D

[Ashley]

I thought I had posted to this?? Anyway, sending you :hug: It's never easy to make life-altering decisions. But, at the end of the day, you have to be fulfilled. Some women are better because they go to work every day. Some women are better because they stay home every day. Some are best by doing something in between. Each circumstance requires a different response. What will make you and your husband & kids the happiest, most complete family and is within reasonable achievement? To me, that's what the decision should be based upon.

I hope you find the best solution that makes you feel at peace. I cannot imagine being in that situation, I truly can't. I swear, I think it must almost be harder having the ability to choose- at least when there's no choice, there's less room to wonder! Good luck mama either way. You're still an amazing mom whichever you decide- the fact that you are so worried about the right choice proves that:support:

[Goosey]

Im glad you have found that peace you were seeking with the decision.

GL with telling your boss and training the new person.:support: